forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
