apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
