Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
