you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
