your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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