Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
