If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
