Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
