i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
