OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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