just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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