tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
