i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
