I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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