there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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