Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
