dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
