hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
