I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I had to cum in my sink.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
