his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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