do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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