dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
