I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
