He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
