I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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