what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
