Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
