All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
