I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
