i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
