I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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