So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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