JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
