so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
