I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
