Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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