Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
