i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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