I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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