six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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