You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
