At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
