why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
