It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
