I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
my shit smells like andre
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Blood and glitter go together right?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
