Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
