Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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