oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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