She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
