If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
